A fantastic story from JRandom @ KB

Police Infringement Bureau secures jrandom as satisfied customer

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We're always complaining about the cops on this forum, so I thought I'd share a positive story for a change.

Y'see, the other weekend, I was ticketed twice, by two different Highway Patrol officers, for speeding on the Napier-Taupo road.

Of course, being, as I am, a reckless and dangerous lawbreaker, I was already on 125 points and awaiting a suspension letter.

Fortunately, it turned out that paying both those new tickets quick-smart and getting the points from them onto my licence before I surrendered it would mean that I'd get it back free of any demerit points three months later.

So I trotted into the Parnell Westpac, brace of tickets in hand, and paid my $290.

A week of hiding under the bed every time the licence collector man knocks on the door passes, and I call LTNZ to check whether the points have been recorded against my licence.

Nope. Call the Police Infringement Bureau, they say.

So I do.

PIB: "One of the tickets you mention, yes, jolly good, thank you for paying that, it takes up to two weeks to record the points with LTNZ."

Hmm. OK. Fuckin' bureaucracy.

But the other ticket?

PIB: "Sorry, sir, we have no record of that other ticket being issued."

Me: "I got it two weeks ago! The lazy snake that wrote it must have left it sitting in his glovebox. I have his officer number here; can you call him and give him a tickle-up so that I can get this processed onto my licence?"

PIB: "ROFL. LOL. LMAO. Of course not. Fuck off."

Me: "You suck. I'm calling the PCA."

PIB: "Awesome! Here's their 0800 number."

*ring ring*

*ring ring*

PCA: "Hi there. Share and enjoy!"

Me: "Uh. Thanks. Officer TRG906 is a slackarse. Can you give him a tickle-up? I want these points on my licence so that they get cleared when I surrender it."

PCA: "Office TRG906 does indeed sound like a lazy motherfucker. However, it takes about six months to go through our complaint process. I reckon you should just call Inspector Spongebob* back at the PIB. He doesn't like lazy motherfuckers."

* name changed for privacy reasons

Me: "Sweet."

*ring ring*

*ring ring*

Inspector Spongebob: "Hi there, citizen. How may I protect and serve you today?"

Me: "Officer TRG906 is a lazy motherfucker. I've paid my tickets and I want the points recorded already so that they're not still there when I finish my suspension. Can you give him a tickle-up?"

Inspector Spongebob: "Sure. I'll call you back once I've gotten hold of him."

*fast forward to later*

*jrandom's cellphone rings*

Inspector Spongebob: "Officer TRG906 has been duly chastised. Your ticket is now in the system. My apologies for the inconvenience. Please don't hesitate to call back in future should you experience further difficulties receiving just and timely penalties for your vicious crimes."

Me: "Thank you, Inspector Spongebob. I want to be a policeman when I grow up."

So, folks, the moral of the story is, if bureacracy is mucking you around, there's almost always some codgy underworked old bastard in Wellington who'll be more than happy to hurry it along.